The side of the road looks just about the same in every town in America. The black tar crumbles into small gravely stones. Small stones fade into green patchy grass. In the morning sun the blades of grass cast long shadows onto each other. In the background a cluster of blurry trees or fields. Wherever you are you can find it, and whenever I needed to find center I would walk it. It had always felt like home, and home could be anywhere.

Mac honked just as I was shutting the front door behind me that morning, my beach bag over my shoulder, SPF 75 banging against my hip. I ran to his Buick and jumped into the back seat.

Lanie sat across the seat from me; her long brown hair blew in the wind as we took off, too quickly, down the road. Katie sat lazily in the front, lolling back and forth with the sway of the car. “To the lake!” Mac yelled, and excitement bubbled out of us in screeches. Our bags lay in the center between us. I slipped my hand underneath them and found Lanie’s small fingers. I gave her a sideways smile making only small eye contact. A flush crept into my ears.

The sun was hot that day, but the wind from all of our open windows gave me goose bumps. I looked down at the side of the road and imagined a tiny man running in the gravel full speed along side of us, jumping over debris to keep up. He looked exhausted.

Mac hit a straightaway and started driving fast, dodging traffic on both sides. This was business as usual, but always a bit nauseating. I grabbed Lanie’s hand tighter and made a seasick face. I turned toward her to give the full experience of my expression just as Mac zigzagged around another “Sunday driver” and slammed my back into the door. Laughter burst out of my mouth, “Jesus, Mac!”

I stayed looking right into Lanie’s blue eyes and giving her funny faces. This was our juvenile love life. She looked forward and then looked back at me feigning terror. I joined her, giving her my best “he’s gonna kill us” face; our hands still locked together, and then I felt her real fear, a quick, out of control jolt. Her look of terror filled with watery tears. I had no time to look forward and see why. A deafening bang hit my ears. She was squeezing my hand tighter; her tears flew from her eyes and landed on my face. The split second that the car was on its side felt like forever. The force of it flung our hands and bodies apart. I saw her tears mid-air floating toward me. I felt the hot gravel on my back as I lay across my open window, and then the ground was at her back and instead of tears, blood hung in the air. My eyes closed.

I opened them again on the side of the road. My face on the part of the road that turns to gravel; green blades of grass filled my vision, and just beyond a blurry cluster of trees. Directly in my view, between the trees and grass, was a bloody hand with small fingers that lead to an arm, that lead to Lanie. I felt every scratch and nothing at all. My eyes closed again, this time filled with tears.

The comfort fell out of the side of the road that morning. The blue-gray gravel always looks cold now; the blades of grass look sharp and menacing.

-J