The side of the road looks just about the same in every town
in America. The black tar crumbles into small gravely stones. Small stones fade
into green patchy grass. In the morning sun the blades of grass cast long
shadows onto each other. In the background a cluster of blurry trees or fields.
Wherever you are you can find it, and whenever I needed to find center I would
walk it. It had always felt like home, and home could be anywhere.
Mac honked just as I was shutting the front door behind me
that morning, my beach bag over my shoulder, SPF 75 banging against my hip. I
ran to his Buick and jumped into the back seat.
Lanie sat across the seat from me; her long brown hair blew
in the wind as we took off, too quickly, down the road. Katie sat lazily in the
front, lolling back and forth with the sway of the car. “To the lake!” Mac
yelled, and excitement bubbled out of us in screeches. Our bags lay in the
center between us. I slipped my hand underneath them and found Lanie’s small
fingers. I gave her a sideways smile making only small eye contact. A flush
crept into my ears.
The sun was hot that day, but the wind from all of our open
windows gave me goose bumps. I looked down at the side of the road and imagined
a tiny man running in the gravel full speed along side of us, jumping over
debris to keep up. He looked exhausted.
Mac hit a straightaway and started driving fast, dodging
traffic on both sides. This was business as usual, but always a bit nauseating.
I grabbed Lanie’s hand tighter and made a seasick face. I turned toward her to
give the full experience of my expression just as Mac zigzagged around another
“Sunday driver” and slammed my back into the door. Laughter burst out of my
mouth, “Jesus, Mac!”
I stayed looking right into Lanie’s blue eyes and giving her
funny faces. This was our juvenile love life. She looked forward and then
looked back at me feigning terror. I joined her, giving her my best “he’s gonna
kill us” face; our hands still locked together, and then I felt her real fear,
a quick, out of control jolt. Her look of terror filled with watery tears. I
had no time to look forward and see why. A deafening bang hit my ears. She was
squeezing my hand tighter; her tears flew from her eyes and landed on my face.
The split second that the car was on its side felt like forever. The force of
it flung our hands and bodies apart. I saw her tears mid-air floating toward
me. I felt the hot gravel on my back as I lay across my open window, and then
the ground was at her back and instead of tears, blood hung in the air. My eyes
closed.
I opened them again on the side of the road. My face on the
part of the road that turns to gravel; green blades of grass filled my vision,
and just beyond a blurry cluster of trees. Directly in my view, between the
trees and grass, was a bloody hand with small fingers that lead to an arm, that
lead to Lanie. I felt every scratch and nothing at all. My eyes closed again,
this time filled with tears.
The comfort fell out of the side of the road that morning.
The blue-gray gravel always looks cold now; the blades of grass look sharp and
menacing.
-J
